The feeling of emptiness in life...

People say being alone at home is one of the best things u can have...the whole house to yourself...sleep wen u want...bath wen u want...wake up wen u want...no ones there to nag at you...but after a while this whole feeling is just damn effed up....
To add on to all this...missing people in life totally screws up ur life...rite after i had written my previous post...it felt gd throwing my stress out...but after tat suddenly my body, my mind was all just filled up with misery...totally fallen apart...and its not tat u r missing just 1 person..not 2..not even 3...there are like wat 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 , 7, 8 ,9, 10 people!!!....4 of which are though rite here in Singapore...but yet so freaking far away....and worst thing u cant do anything about it...wats the point of having so many ppl close to ur heart wen all u can do is just miss them....wat is the point of having the whole house to urself wen all u gonna do is rot there and miss people...so there the tap to the tear reservoir started opening...and then tapak...tapak...tapak...drop...drop...drop....FLOOD.....
read a quote recently....remembering the past make people stronger....so not true....it just makes u weaker and weaker opening up the small little bruises and wounds u have...

Home alone day 5....
woke up with the worst feelin eva....fever!!!...asked bhai for medicine....went hospital...not for me chill....then suntec pizza hut...had super heavy meal...bhai testing my ordering skills...not impressed...blooody basket...haha the waiters there pay more attention to him...after tat back home in the evening....went down...played soccer for a while and then i saw 3 girls...and then the wierdest thing....their face changed into my dolls face....all 3....i noe it sounds damn filmy....but seriously...i was like wtf...wats she doing downstairs....and now 3 of em...kor says i gone mad i need a doctor...bhai say chill u wanna go talk to them....like .......... u noe ................ dot dot dot ........then went to the basketball court....started lookin up....now she will call me and say how small i am....both of us lost in our world.....but we were pretty gd and light hearted tat day...mood was gd...everything fine...unil we entered the gym....switch on the radio....bloody hell all romantic songs....wanna make u instantly cry those kind....like everyday they will play normal songs....not so romantic...but today was like full on romantic song....wanted to call the radio station to stop it...different corner of the gym....different position....look out of the window...sleep on the flooor....sleep on the bench....lean against the wall...everything diff...but one thing in the mind....made the day so bad...i almost just went out of the gym....got huge huge lecture from bhai....went home watch tv to divert mind.....tot to myself...why am i killing myself.....she wont be mine means she wont be...talked to her at night...webby with her...glad she noes i am better now...saw her smile and all made me feel better...lucky i din have a webby....talked till 5 am...felt kinda better...slept and woke up at 630 cuz of the rain...my feverish body got its coooling downness....went back sleep....

home alone day 6...
woke up with yet another greatness entry....i vomited.....weeee...this time no more half vomit full ones...but damn throat hurts....chatted with mumma just now....felt so much better...then my mishu didi....ok fine she is younger than me...but oh well talking to the ones i miss felt awesome....now am off to UBI collect car....
ciao....

~edited~
ok back...well went giant shopping after collecting car...came back home went down soccer....and smartass me has injured himself yet again...this time in the most dumb dumb manner...i was on the grass lying down...ball came just kicked it and in the event kicked my leg hard on the floor..direct impact on my bone...HURTS!!!!....lol but can walk now i guess....bhai being damn emo....and then he scolds me for being emo...i also miss her na....forced him to go walk...so walked to Tanjong Katong loook at bunglows and cracked alot of jokes....hopefully lightened his moood for tat time...rented DVDs and back home...and well now just watching tv...

anyways heres a song super close to my heart...damn meaningful lyrics....and i practically did wat the lyrics say...here it goes..

{Hum khushi ki chaah mein har khushi se dur ho gaye - 2
In the search for "my" happiness, I got seperated/drifted away from all other happiness
[Dhoondane chale the - 2] Zindagi
Went to search for my life
Zindagi se dur ho gaye - 2
Got seperated/drifted from my life
} -2
~~

Paas thi apani manjile
Our destiny was just a hands reach away
Ja ke bhi hum na ja sake
But even if we wanted we could not get it
Sukh wo thi jisaki aarzoo
Peace is wat we wanted
Paake bhi hum na pa sake
So near yet so far
Bheed mein bhi tanaha jiye
Living alone in the crowd
Naa paaye koi jahaan
No one got their world

[Dhoondane chale the - 2] Zindagi
Went to search for my life
Zindagi se dur ho gaye - 2
Got seperated/drifted from my life

damn meaningful song which relates every single word to my life..
NICE NICE SONG!!!....
hopefully the days wud be better....

and i miss all of u!!!